Dear Retailers, Give Me Something to Groove to

I can't imagine all of the issues that retail management staffs have to deal with: crabby clientele, up-and-down till figures, and underachieving staff. I wonder if they ever think it could be the in-store music causing all of these problems.

As an active consumer, and former retail store servant, I've come to believe that sounds coming out of a place of business's speakers can play a huge role in how the whole operation runs.

When I'm in a mall, or store, I can't help but zone in on the music that's being played. I don't know why I choose to focus on this as opposed to good-looking girls, or stunning sales, but that's just what I do. Unfortunately, sometimes I pay so much attention to the tunes that I can't go on with my shopping experience.

The problem I find is that in-store music, like the radio, primarily caters to the Top 40 fans that would rather subject themselves to a catchy hook and sample, than something a little more original, yet equally fun and engaging. (I also see these people as those that must love smashing light bulbs, and then shoving their remnants straight into the eardrums.)

Seriously, how much Black Eyed Peas, Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Selena Gomez, and LMFAO is one shopper expected to willingly handle, before going berserk and kicking over a fancy hand soap display stand? I mean, seriously!

I'm sure I'm not the only guy that feels this way. I bet there is a big percentage of people out in the malls, and stores that have as much trouble tuning things out as I do. This means, in some cases, they too are putting the cash and cards back into a desired pocket, and hightailing it away from the awful audio abominations.

I know in-store music is designed to offer up a friendlier, looser, and more tra-la-la-la-la environment. In some cases that can work, but in others, it can annoy employees, make customers (like me) agitated and anxious to run out of the store, and thus leave the retailer with fledgling numbers.

Of course, Top 40 is the popular, and safest route to go. That, and it sure as hell is more appealing than muzak (for the most part). But, would it kill owners and management to spruce things up a bit, and add some more variety?

Like, would it really be so bad that if after whichever overplayed Kelly Clarkson song finished spinning, Devo's Whip It, or the Spin Doctors' Two Princes came on next? Or maybe a little James Brown? Everyone likes to get on up once and awhile.

Wouldn't that be the ultimate compromise? Give the popsters something to jive to, then give weirdos like me something kitschy and classic that may motivate spending more time and money in a place? I don't think it's too much to ask.

Of course, I can't expect management to want to scare away the older demographic by playing the hits of Slayer, N.W.A., or Motley Crue, but I would like to see some flexibility.

Not everyone wants to zone out to the safe bets all of the time. Sometimes being great at business requires taking some risks. Why not start with a playlist that rattles some cages, and go from there?

I got your back!

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